Part One: Yin and Yang = Life

There's an ancient Chinese symbol of Yin and Yang. It's in a circle, representing all of life. But within, there are the light and dark elements swirling together, in balance. The black is not all black, and the white is not all white. It not only describes life, but could serve as a reassurance perhaps - yes, that event was bad, but life is not all bad. Wait, and the good will return.

Weather: Yesterday, we had a rare "spring" day here in the midst of winter. It was warm, and above all, very sunny. Then, during the night, it rained and a cold front came through. Today is a dreary, cold, windy day. But while I didn't like it, I feel somewhat guilty about grumbling as it's so much better than some parts of the country are experiencing right now. Some are facing terrible blizzard conditions, and not for the first time this year, either! That is what led me to this "yin and yang" thought process.

Age: Many dread growing older. It's one thing to always try to look your best, but something else to go overboard.  There are "movie star types," shallow mindless people that will go to any length and spend any amount of money to appear younger than they are. But it's not just them. Some average thirty year olds act as if turning 45 is a curse, and 60 would be a fate worse than.. what? death? Hardly.  I clearly remember the day I turned 50. While others my age either dreaded it or joked about growing old, I celebrated. Honestly,  I was in such bad health back then, newly struggling with kidney failure, trying my best to keep working... I felt awful most of the time. But I'd made it to 50! and no matter what else happened, I felt a joy in knowing I'd made it to, "my fifties!" To me, 50 signaled the crossing over from the "motherhood-career path-running into myself coming and going" stage into what I saw as peace. It was the "kids are grown or about there and it's time for ME" stage. I looked forward to exchanging the "mom" hat for the much more prestigious, "grandma" hat. Today, I turned 55 and I am overjoyed to be here. Starting tomorrow, I'll be closer to 60 than 50, even if by only one day.

Health: Part of the Chinese theory of yin and yang had to do with medicine and the balance within the body, between emotional, spiritual, and physical, and parts working together. I didn't know about this, or didn't think about it, until fairly recently. Or I should say, "I didn't know THEIR thoughts on this." Personally, I'd already figured it out on my own.  One of the "advantages?" of lupus, is learning to be VERY in tune with your body. You learn to pay attention to the least little cues because to ignore them could prove to be dangerous. No, I wasn't graceful in my learning of this. When I felt tired, did I rest? No, even though I knew that was what was needed. For years, I pushed and pushed, because frankly, life demanded it. Ultimately, there was damage as a result, but like yin and yang, it is a balance.  To not push, meant to miss doing things, and that wasn't good either.

The Body: One of the things that I found fascinating, is the way the human body works. Due to lupus attacking various parts, I got to learn a lot about how it all worked... or should work. The more you think about the marvel that is the human body, the more you appreciate the intricate design God made. Things are designed to work together, each part supporting the other. Sometimes, when one part ceases to work properly, other parts take on part of the job, even if not as efficiently. It's completely mind-blowing! But when a part struggles, then it causes a problem. This problem affects other body parts like a domino effect. The kidneys don't work as well so the fluid builds up in tissues. As fluid builds up around the lungs, you find yourself living with permanent pleurisy. As it increases, you get pneumonia easily. The fluid makes the heart work harder and it gets tired. It starts to fail, making the kidneys work harder. When the kidney fails, the liver has to do part of the job and it gets stressed. All this hurts the heart, and lungs, and with less oxygen flowing, the brain.  Yes it can be devastating, but until it all starting falling apart, it was fascinating.

Society: When we think of "society," there seems to be a homogenized idealistic idea of pretty people with few real concerns. But it's everyone. It's the wealthy billionaire living off a trust fund, the well-off corporate lawyer, the stressed out single mother trying to keep her children's lives the way it used to be on two incomes, the elderly woman that has out-lived her family, her money, and her friends, the sassy stereotypical welfare user with a fancy phone in her manicured hand, and the quiet child sitting quietly in the classroom, hoping no one will notice he's worn the same shirt for 4 days, and doesn't own a coat, even though it's 30 degrees outside.

That type of yin and yang is what has been on my mind most of the night. I am far, far from wealthy - far from well off even. Yet, we have food in our pantry, clean clothes, a warm house and comfortable bed. I have the internet and a working car. I have the love of many friends and family members. While to others it would seem that I can't say, "I have my health," in reality, I'm better than I was a couple of years ago. True, I can't do the things I did then, and to attempt it could be dangerous, but still... it could be worse. I am not in a Cardiac ICU or living at the hospice unit.

In part two, I will share how this yin and yang can apply to real people.